Happy Birthday, Missy Moo!

Today I caught the tail-end of Morgan Marie's 5th birthday party. I arrived just in time for the opening of the presents, but missed the cake--which was fine with me, but which Morgan told me later was her favorite part of the whole party.

I stayed up late last night, frantically trying to assemble my birthday gift for this child I love so much. Lindsey told me that she liked looking at pictures and suggested putting together an album of photos from my life with Michael. I ended up making her two albums: one with over 100 pictures of Michael and me doing everything from hiking at Eagle Creek to strolling on the Oregon beach to exploring the Biltmore in Asheville, N.C. The other album details all of Morgan's birthday parties to date, starting with the baby shower I threw for her and Lindsey a month or two before she was born.

What began as a simple idea to put pictures in chronological order inside an album became much more than that for me. As I looked through the pictures, I watched a baby grow into a little girl and then into the big girl (heading to Kindergarten in the fall) that she is today. I remember holding her in the hospital, the morning after she was born, and the quiet in the room as she slept in my arms. I loved her with a love I don't know if I have ever had for anyone else--it was a love that was instantaneous--there was no getting to know her or waiting to see what her personality would be before I gave her my heart. This child of my dearest friend in the world was instantly and completely as dear to me as my own child would have been.

As a baby, she was not particularly fond of me--I wasn't able to see her as often as I would have liked, and she didn't really know who I was until she was older. Then I became "Auntie Amy" and "My Amy" (as Lindsey calls me) to differentiate between me and her brother-in-law's wife, known as "Kevin's Amy." Morgan used to tease Lindsey by calling me "My Amy" and they would go back and forth, mock-arguing, "No, she's MY Amy!" I was happy to belong to them both. :) I still have several voice mail messages on my cell phone from two and three years ago when Morgan was learning to talk--her little voice saying "Auntie Amy" breaks my heart with joy and love for her every time I hear it.

As a toddler, she was full of energy and spirited--very spirited. This little girl had a mind of her own from the start! She was tough to pin down for a hug because she was always running, climbing, and going, going, going. The trick, Lindsey said, was to get her to stop, just for a few minutes and then she'd be out cold. And I saw it work more than once.

Morgan is a girl who (for me, at least) has always been full of surprises. She likes dinosaurs and monsters, but she also likes to wear fancy dresses and swing her long, blond hair dramatically, saying "My hair is so be-yoo-ti-ful!" It's hard to know what to get her for Christmases and birthdays--a tiara or a Tyrannosaurus Rex? A bug collector's kit or some flavored lip gloss? The answer is yes to all, and that is something I love a lot about her: she says a big YES to life, finding something good in just about everything. I think what I love most about Morgan is how much her own person she is--she is 5 years old and has an opinion and what's more, she isn't afraid to give it to you. I would like to be more like her in that respect--living my life with less worry about what others may think, and being more true to what I feel inside.

Today we snuggled on the couch watching television and she rested her head on my chest while the fingers of one hand lightly grasped my earlobe. I remember Lindsey telling me about Morgan making this gesture all the time when she was a baby as a type of self-comforting technique. The fact that she still does it has helped me integrate the young lady she is now with the memories of the toddler and baby she was that are still in my mind and heart. She is a beautiful, surprising, vivacious child, and I cannot wait to see her continue to grow and change into the wonderful woman I know she will become.

I love you, Morgan Marie. Happy 5th Birthday!! (one day early)

Love,
Auntie Amy

Our Lives With Flynnigan

When people become first-time parents, they often talk about how their lives change, about how the dynamics of their relationships change and about how they change as people. While I can't pretend to say that having Flynn staying with us has caused a change in our lives as large as the change that having a human child might create--there has been a definite shift.

Michael and I talk a lot about Flynn. We discuss his digestion issues and marvel at how much poop one dog can make. We remark on the fact that he barks when one of us comes home after he has been at home alone all day, but otherwise rarely makes a sound other than his "peeping." We share stories of which of our neighbor's bushes is his favorite to pee on, and take bets on just how many trees, poles and mailbox posts he can mark before he runs out of fluids.

We share the responsibilities of caring for him--Michael administers his eye drops; I bathe him. Michael takes him for walks when he gets home from work in the afternoon, and I take him when I am off on Fridays. We both keep a constant eye on his water dish to make sure that he a) has enough to satisfy his seemingly endless thirst and b) does not drink so much that he will have an accident on the carpet while we are at work. We both give him abundant pats and hugs and praise and although he can't hear the words, I am fairly certain he feels them in his heart.

Michael and I agree that having Flynn is preparing us for being parents--we seem to be experiencing some of the same joy, worry, happiness and exhaustion that comes with that role. So far I find that we are mostly compatible in terms of a parenting team (a relief!), but I know that we will have much to learn and discuss in terms of how we will parent our own human children so that we will be on the same page--bring on the parenting books! :)

An Evening With Dr. Dyer

Lindsey and I are both fans of Dr. Wayne Dyer--an inspirational (not motivational, as he is quick to emphasize) writer and speaker. We went to Seattle a couple of years ago and saw him in person, and when Lindsey heard that a movie was going to be showing at a theater in nearby Corvallis, she asked me if I wanted to go with her. I was able to get off of work an hour early yesterday, so I hustled myself down I-5 and made it to Albany just in time to say a quick hello to Morgan and for Lindsey to jump in the car with me. Then it was off to Corvallis. After we bought tickets and found seats, we found we were JUST in time: the movie began a few minutes later.

The movie ran for 2 and a half hours, and when it was over, Linds and I compared notes. She was expecting something different than a lecture (maybe more of a multi-media experience), but what we saw was somehow just what I had imagined: Dr Dyer talking about a new book that he is writing called Wishes Fulfilled, and lots of anecdotes from his personal and professional life illustrating the things I hear over and over from self-help authors: how necessary it is to our well-being to have an attitude of forgiveness and gratitude toward everything in one's life (whether we see it as "good" or "bad"), and the huge one about constantly checking our thoughts to make sure they are in alignment with what we want. That is the hardest lesson for me to learn--I find it is so easy to slip into old patterns of complaining and "poor me-ing," but when I really think about it, complaining has never made me feel any better. Ever. One thing that I've noticed recently (and that Dr. Dyer emphasized in his talk) is that if I take a situation that I don't like and try to put it in a positive light, I feel more peaceful. He said that attitude is always a choice and it is always ours--and boy, is he right. It's just a matter of changing my habitual reactions and thought patterns. As I write this, I am thinking, "Easier said than done," but it really is easy to think one way over another way. The question is, how willing am I to think differently and respond to people and events differently?

So for me, seeing Dr. Dyer gave me the encouragement I need right now--encouragement to keep working on my writing, and to practice envisioning the life I want right now instead of waiting for it to come to me--being happy now instead of expecting to be happy when I get everything I want. I have already been doing this to some extent, but last night I realized just how much I need it to be at the center of all of my thoughts and actions, all the time. I guess this realization is my resolution for 2010--and if I can really train myself in a new way of thinking and responding, if I am diligent about thinking with love about every person and every situation in my life, I wonder how my life will be different at the end of the year?