Choosing Joy

A baby girl named Ava will be born to my cousin Ryan and his wife Onica in about a month. My mom and I went to her (and her mommy and daddy's) shower on Friday.

The next day, my mom and I toured the assisted care facility that my grandparents will be moving into at the end of the month.

These two events have brought up many thoughts and feelings over the past couple of days: how family means so much, how I don't see mine as much as I would like and why that is, how families have secrets (parents from children, children from parents, siblings from siblings), and what could happen if everyone laid bare their hearts at the same time.

I have been thinking about the bittersweet juxtaposition of life--while two lives are winding down, another life is just beginning and how that brings joy and sadness at the same time. And for me, how I accept that sadness as a necessary part of the cycle of life, with its disappointments and its unfairness and its grief. What I know in my brain but my heart is struggling to comprehend is that life is just that--a constant flux of hurt and happiness, turmoil and calm. It is beginnings and endings, over and over again. It is nothing static. It is everything always in a state of motion, a state of change.

The question then, for me, is how do I deal with that constant flux? How do I keep from being overwhelmed by life's hard corners?

What I have decided is that I must choose joy. I must take happy memories of the people I love and tuck them carefully away in my heart so that when it is time for life's sadness, I can lean on those past joys and they will bring me strength. And so, some joy from the time I spent with my family . . .

Sisters embarking on new paths in life--one is to be a mother and the other a bride.
Two of my very photogenic cousins, Bri and Crystal at the baby shower. Bri helped me more than she knew with her easy demeanor and her cheerful remarks on the shower and everyone there. My mom and me. I think we continue to be surprised at how deep our strength really runs.

One of the last joys my grandma has left to her--taking the aptly-named Kitty for a walk. Mom and Grandma sharing a footstool and a a quiet moment.

Proof that spring has finally sprung.