I stayed up late last night, frantically trying to assemble my birthday gift for this child I love so much. Lindsey told me that she liked looking at pictures and suggested putting together an album of photos from my life with Michael. I ended up making her two albums: one with over 100 pictures of Michael and me doing everything from hiking at Eagle Creek to strolling on the Oregon beach to exploring the Biltmore in Asheville, N.C. The other album details all of Morgan's birthday parties to date, starting with the baby shower I threw for her and Lindsey a month or two before she was born.
What began as a simple idea to put pictures in chronological order inside an album became much more than that for me. As I looked through the pictures, I watched a baby grow into a little girl and then into the big girl (heading to Kindergarten in the fall) that she is today. I remember holding her in the hospital, the morning after she was born, and the quiet in the room as she slept in my arms. I loved her with a love I don't know if I have ever had for anyone else--it was a love that was instantaneous--there was no getting to know her or waiting to see what her personality would be before I gave her my heart. This child of my dearest friend in the world was instantly and completely as dear to me as my own child would have been.
As a baby, she was not particularly fond of me--I wasn't able to see her as often as I would have liked, and she didn't really know who I was until she was older. Then I became "Auntie Amy" and "My Amy" (as Lindsey calls me) to differentiate between me and her brother-in-law's wife, known as "Kevin's Amy." Morgan used to tease Lindsey by calling me "My Amy" and they would go back and forth, mock-arguing, "No, she's MY Amy!" I was happy to belong to them both. :) I still have several voice mail messages on my cell phone from two and three years ago when Morgan was learning to talk--her little voice saying "Auntie Amy" breaks my heart with joy and love for her every time I hear it.
As a toddler, she was full of energy and spirited--very spirited. This little girl had a mind of her own from the start! She was tough to pin down for a hug because she was always running, climbing, and going, going, going. The trick, Lindsey said, was to get her to stop, just for a few minutes and then she'd be out cold. And I saw it work more than once.
Morgan is a girl who (for me, at least) has always been full of surprises. She likes dinosaurs and monsters, but she also likes to wear fancy dresses and swing her long, blond hair dramatically, saying "My hair is so be-yoo-ti-ful!" It's hard to know what to get her for Christmases and birthdays--a tiara or a Tyrannosaurus Rex? A bug collector's kit or some flavored lip gloss? The answer is yes to all, and that is something I love a lot about her: she says a big YES to life, finding something good in just about everything. I think what I love most about Morgan is how much her own person she is--she is 5 years old and has an opinion and what's more, she isn't afraid to give it to you. I would like to be more like her in that respect--living my life with less worry about what others may think, and being more true to what I feel inside.
Today we snuggled on the couch watching television and she rested her head on my chest while the fingers of one hand lightly grasped my earlobe. I remember Lindsey telling me about Morgan making this gesture all the time when she was a baby as a type of self-comforting technique. The fact that she still does it has helped me integrate the young lady she is now with the memories of the toddler and baby she was that are still in my mind and heart. She is a beautiful, surprising, vivacious child, and I cannot wait to see her continue to grow and change into the wonderful woman I know she will become.
I love you, Morgan Marie. Happy 5th Birthday!! (one day early)
Love,
Auntie Amy
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